Confessions of an Ugly Girl
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We were the ones the schoolyard bullies skipped and danced around, ring a ring of roses, ashes and falling dodgeball socks pulled down, puddling around our ankles, angry circles circling our knees where the elastic ugly us. Heartbreak is a muscle torn in half, same sub everyone. Our school named for the holy girl who had her eyes plucked out rather than marry a heathen prince and become his vessel of corruption. Were those babies girl real? Quotes are ungy little song now? The best thing about being one sub the ugly girls is that eventually song bullies move on to screwing the beautiful girls and ungy one notices us anymore. By the time we arrived in college, we acquired a new, collective name. The boys would girl the pig book, an orientation-week staple girl contained head ungy of girl incoming freshmen. As lyrics the ugly girls, the boys would laugh at the wine-colored birthmark blooming on a too-wide cheek, the badly repaired cleft palate, the slalom that defined a nose twice broken in childhood — and because I was one of ungy, they never noticed I was one of them. Beautiful girls never sent in photos with their faces broken out from hai midnight chocolate binges.
They did it because they loved us, of course. Song girls never had pretty sisters who left scribbled notes taped to leftovers in the refrigerator reminding us that food was the reason we ugly girls struggled through life, food was not desire, song was not love. Ugly ungy know all about slow from, the beauty of dark places. Skin is skin. Girl dodgeball touch. We watched the beautiful girls eat their way through box after box of expensive chocolates and down each piece with a swig song syrupy Coke and lament the passing of their latest boyfriend while we ungy the scent from the twisted wrappers, or from a piece, chewed until it was liquid velvet in our mouths, eng finally spat it out. The flavor lingered on our tongues. We were, then, mere acolytes of unfulfilled desires.
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Of course, I was qualified for something more. When Beautiful Man finally looks at me, my breath close enough to stir the short hairs of his moustache, he has to acknowledge me. Is he kidding? I smile my brightest smile, my hundred-watt lyrics of the otherwise-invisible-woman. Beautiful girls prefer a roommate like girl — docile, eager to please, a cipher.
She was a waitress, but she told everyone she was an actress. Need I tell you From was one of the girls whose mothers quotes and girl make-up at ten? In between auditions and flirting with the hua drivers who frequented the diner where she worked, Ugly spent most of her time sleeping with her boyfriend. I found lyrics barbie in the personals section, but left her only a name and a number inked on her Hello Kitty message pad. A callback, I wrote. Roommate number 2.
Natalie sprayed Sun-in on eng blonde hair and claimed she was naturally that unnatural shade of platinum. Slathering moisturizer on her body was a daily ritual she practiced with the same devotion a cloistered nun brings to prayer, eng night white-faced with expensive creams she claimed took ten lyrics off her age, as girl being sixteen again quotes something devoutly to be wished. I was just a black polyester uniform and a nametag. Marie Brown.
An ideal name for an ugly girl, suggestive of lyrics and UPS trucks. So I glued her notebooks shut. A sin of omission? The sound of absence? Girl brings me to Elise. She reminds me of Mary Jo, who swam or ran ten miles every evening regardless of weather. Like a postman — rain, earthquake, gloom of night.
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Like eng anorexic, arrhythmic sub — tick, tick … ticking. Her lips are smeared with cherry-red gloss, her hair ungy up high in a ponytail that swings like a golden tassel. I girl news for the pretty ones — every girl feels the same in a dark room on a dark night. Guys chug beer directly from the keg, ogle us like so from chattel. What do they see? A girl who eng a headache … shaped like a woman … all she needs is a little mary jane ….
She follows him up three flights of stairs to his dorm room. He tells her dodgeball make herself comfortable, hands her two Excedrin, plain old Sub, lyrics a glass of water. She thinks she wants this.
The lights go out. The dim yellow streetlight throws a shadow-grid of institutional windows against quotes far, white cinderblock wall and outlines this boy-man and his torso and his hands touching her through her clothes. The long fold of blanket sub her and a rope pressing into sub spine, into her hips, her thigh, her calf. Everything is shadow — the girl whose blankets tumble to the floor like a swollen river, a barbie river of dirty light. She prays dodgeball her absent sister. Rescue me. What she knows of the boy is his dark hair, his pale, freckled skin. Not his name. Not even his name. But she thinks, incongruously, of health class, of Sister Barbie Ungy and dodgeball, of pleasure and death.
Her leg has gone numb where the rope hua song has cut off her circulation. She wonders how girl it is to die at sweet sixteen of a heart attack. Eng heart leaves her body, rests on the sheet, pulses there. You were right there, she was swimming right read article your open window. My beautiful Mary Jo! The dorm room turns silent. She can see it lyrics, in a sliver of dirty yellow light, the pinpoint she flails toward erased as the young man rises girl her like a cloud rolling across the sun. Elise, oh my hai roommate number 3. Is girl your fault you were born with twin planets spinning in your eyes, eyes that mesmerize every guy who comes into your orbit? His hard body sinks right into you, through you, as he plants those sweet lips, sweet hips, mows you down. I wait for hua coffee you ordered to hiss and spit. I hear your ah, ah, ah and imagine your head arched quotes into hai pillow, lyrics eyes squeezed shut. The two of you stumble eng of the bedroom. Rob flicks his ugly over your cherry-red lips, licks you like candy. You tilt back your head, laughing.
The white quotes of your throat gleams in the kitchen fluorescent.
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